It has been more than decade since i touched this blog and out of blue remembered my past musings. Life has moved at a pace and i feel like i havent taken a breather. I feel like I have achieved quite a bit but at the same time there is a void driven through the insecurities i have picked. i grew in life. In career i became a senior director running a massive data and ai transformation across the organization. I built fundamental knowledge and experience moving mountains to drive transformations in organizations. When I look back I feel proud of where I got to. from my time doing the erasmus masters, cambridge mphil, joining the competetive citibank gts grad in london, shifting to deloitte, getting frustrated with consulting :), running my own contracting stint, failed startups, joining a mid sized financial firm, getting aquired, doing chief archiect role, doing enterprise data level role and finally driving data/ai transformations. Personal space, got married with two kids, got uk citizenship and moved to us. Financially built million and great salary. Feels amazing when i look back from when i started on my own and when i decided not to depend on parents/family to be a master of my own destiny.
while looking at all this, there is still this dissatisfaction and urge to achieve more. more money and stability. even with all this experience and expertise everything feels so momentary and transient. will i lose everything just like that. I picked a number of self inflicting patterns due to the pressure to succeed and sustain. I left reacting from the space of venturing into unknown and have been operating from the space of worry. going thorough my wifes surgery reset the priorities for me. family wife and kids is the ultimate thing i need to take care of. I need to give them great life.
as i was going through this dissatisfaction and worries, my friend gowri bharat has opened up the spiritual space in me. I was always a spritiual person seen god and has always seen myself as the center of the universe and i had this connect with paramsiva. over the years worry & fears were overriding my entire life. with the realisation and connect with nithyanda, I realised and now have a way back to my paramasiva. the journey is to realise that i am paramsiva. previously i lost paramasiva. now i am able to bring paramasiva close to my heart and engage with the universe. the next leap is to realise i am paramasiva. i am connecting with my core and i am now at a point of strength.
i am ready for the next big leap. in the next 5 years, my gurumahadasha starts I will get to a point where i will have 5million USD and super rich to not worry about money at all. money will flow for what ever i want. I will have a USA greencard and will become the CTO of a large global enterprise with a million dollar per anum salary. I soumya eshaani and shivani will have perfect health. we all will be staying closely with nimai and family in atlanta. Will be getting mom and data to atlanta. My kids will get ready to be doctors. in all this, i will manifest these as paramsiva.
it has been so difficult to converge onto goals. now with paramsivas blessings all is feasible and i will achieve everything effortlessly. no more struggle.
