MuSiNgS oF a Maverick

I have been thinking for quite some time on what exactly I am. I wanted to have a clear understanding of me myself and me again.When I ask my friends to describe I guess they would definitely have one word for me..."Voopu". Well this behavior might not be translated to English to a perfect sense.... may be the word "mercurial" might suit that. Well I asked my friends to give me their perception on me. Will add their views as and when they come.

Well let me dig into myself, I found myself a moody fellow. I have observed that my mood of mind can change drastically. The moment I feel bad and immediately I donno if I would be enjoying a chat with my friends. I sit down alone in my room thinking of something that changes quickly. I keep on evaluating many things when do this. I donno if I am very optimistic or very pessimistic. At different situations I am different and also at the same situations I might be different.

I have one strong belief that I can do anything anytime. If someone says that it is difficult or one cannot do I get kind of emotional as if my ego is being hurt and I might land into argument with him for no sake. This could be a kind of overconfidence in myself. This is the reason I guess I will not be able to let others pour in their views into me. I also believe in what all I do. There is never a thing I do without me having a satisfactory answer that it would be useful in someway. This might be self-centered attitude. This does not mean that I am selfish. I believe in helping others. I feel that it is the good done to others will be that matter in the end. I let others do whatever they wanted to do but thing is I don’t tolerate their interference with my way. If I want to do something, I will try to do the thing in some way.

I think I don’t have ethics (as people perceive) as such but I am a man of my own beliefs. It may not be the commonly acceptable way. They might be unconventional. I have my own priorities. Based on the situation I do things based on what I believe and my priority.

Actually I have a mental map of the way things should be done. Till I have that clear idea I will not proceed further. Well I want to be a man having accomplished something and the world should be able to recognize me as a great guy. That’s the aim have. I will by any means or at any cost will achieve that. The road to this is not completely clear to me yet. I will have my own paths ready for me. I know that as I reach to a milestone in my journey my next milestone becomes clear or I will select best option (my interest) and make it my milestone. (Kind of greedy algorithm) It is always the goal that drives me forward. Otherwise I become lethargic to activity. I can clearly say that my present milestone is MBA from global top colleges.

I like completeness a lot. I approach with holistic fundamentals. Suppose if I prefer to read some book. I would a kind of satisfaction only when I read it completely. I don’t feel like having the confidence of reading that if I don’t do it completely. I have a feeling that others watch my mistakes. So I want to be perfectionist. This has its own disadvantages. Well because of this I will not be able to proceed further many times.

When I decide to do something. I always try to do it. I can say that my mind will be filled with only that idea. Many feel that I might be carried by others perceptions but thing is I myself carry myself with my own perceptions. I can say it is like a beautiful dream haunting (possible) me. I take a decision and if I feel I should stick to that, and then it is done - I will stick to that. This is mostly related to what I want to be. I don’t like to change my ideas with influences of others. Even if some one gives me some advice or idea or any info, I will accept it only if I like that. Though in the face of them I would be nodding my head. But I get very angry when my idea is opposed. I would be then ready to pounce on him and attack any single statement made by him with the sole intention of crossing him to talk further. I then get a feel of satisfaction. At that moment I do this. If I feel later that I should not be doing that, I would somehow convey the message of my feeling sorry for my earlier behavior to him. One thing is sure that I dont I like anyone riding me. If someone tries he will have to face the wrath. Well even this depends on the kind of person I am dealing with. If I like the guy at that moment, I will not say anything. If not then is the blowup.

I have the habit of doing things When things are not going in the way I wanted them to be, I really get hysterical and becomes tough towards everything and work till the last moment to keep my track right or some other path that is as good as the one I choose to be going on.

I have observed one thing in my life. Whatever I get or got or gonna get, I think is with my full hard work. I believe in god. Infact I feel that I can share my thoughts with him. I have a placid attitude in the beginning toward things. I usually fail the first time and this really disturbs me. When I am disturbed (almost to the extent of cryin), then I really make tough resolutions and those are done. I donno why but I get real focused (may be I don’t show that out but I keep thinking about that only). Then I work real hard and do that. This has been my regular attitude. I donno why I am not developing the focus is not be default. That’s why, when I wanted to do something, I require lot of motivation at regular intervals. I use my bad situations and think of them when I start deterring, as my motivation to achieve my targets. Like necessity is the mother of invention.

Also I have the habit of feeling things to realest sense. I donno clearly but when I see movies I get lot of confidence. If see some motivational movies, the increment in the level of confidence is tremendous. Also I dont like heart breaking or moving movies as I take things to my heart. I also dont like to hurt others. That’s why I agree to their ideas even if I dont agree. But when I feel I want to disagree, its uncontrollable emergent feeling. I donno but I really think with my heart.

When I do something, I have an answer or some support to the integrity of having performed such an action. Even if from some corner of my heart, I get an indication saying that this might be wrong, but I will support my stance as it is the need that is driving.

I find that I can easily embed myself with any kind of personality, group or situation. This I see that I was able to make people home while talking to me. That’s because I don’t show the superiority feeling to others. Even when I talk to workers, drivers other people even beggars I think they feel that I can be shared their problems. At times I am really conservative. That all depends on my mood and kind of people talking to.

Now that I have the perceptions of my pals about me I will try to analyze them and see if I can improve myself.

Girish Said, “All the comments below should not in anyway affect anything between us, these have been begged by u and only hence given to u. k, now that u r through with the disclaimer, read below. voopu, suddenly attracted to something, with or without reason, keep doing or thinking about that something till ur choopu lands on a different voopu thing or theres some serious trouble that u got urself into and u have to clear it immediately otherwise, mostly a cool guy, in most situations with our group with other ppl too, u r semi cool, semi reserved , with making public speeches or announcements, u r too tensed, sweat flows from ur face like a river and u openly tell and u r highly selfcentred in some situations, ur telugu is okay, ur english has some grammar mistakes like most indians of today, ur sense of humour is in sync with that of most ppl, u need to listen to what ur near and dear say to become better sometimes u go out of the way and tend to do illegal / wrong things when u r faced with a tough situation but u can convince / force humorously ppl into getting ur things work done. hehehe ur physique is good and u can with some personality development course become a model i think, u ought to be in showbiz...............not necessarily movies, but like a show host often ppl with big bodies have bad temper, u dont, this is ur big plus point and often the first thing that ppl notice about u finally, u need some control on your temptationgs”

Pammy said

“ So you wanna know something about you which you donno... So read carefully whatever I write, as this is what I think about you.

1. You are a nice person as far as all the normal issues go...
a. You help everyone.
B. Do things on time (by hook or crook).
C. Are goal oriented and looks like you have definite goals to achieve in life and you are determined to achieve them.
d. The ability to work hard, when it is necessary.
e. Move around with others in a jovial and cordial manner.
f. Exercise daily for better health.
h. Positive outlook towards life and other aspects.
The most disgusting facts about you are as follows...
1. Your logic sucks.
a. What do I mean by that?
For every damn thing you say I did this with my logic. When I was in the first year I always felt like trashing you whenever you
said that. But later on it so happened that you yourselves were kind of making yourself a laughing stock whenever you said that.
2. You talk too much even when you don't know anything about that matter.
a. Even when you lack stats or when you hear a gossip about something/someone you endorse that fact true. Now now, I spread news... [gossip or whatever] but that is far different from what you do... Because I just spread the news but never endorse the fact that it is true/false (I do not wish to say whether what I do is correct or not)... You stamp it as truth always.
3. You are not open to others opinions.
a. You do not agree to any other view or do not even wish to listen what that is. For example (as a case study of your character on this issue), I told you sometime ago... say 2 years back that sentimental and tragedy movies do have market. But, you said only comedy movies have market and no one would like to see a tragedy. But, the sickest part was not this... You lacked points to argue about that and to side line me you were just shaking your head not even listening to what I was talking about. Now, what happened, the truth is here for everyone to see... Lakshmi and Premiste are big hits... they were not comedies... but did run.
4. You allow yourself to be exploited because of your VooPu.
correct or wrong or whether you have any profit from that. So reduce that VooPu and start thinking before acting. This is similar to a. If someone comes and tells you, rey Nalli if you do not go out with Bandus today night to *** then you will not get an A grade you rush out with him without even giving a second thought... This is the kind of VooPu that you have and we have been seeing. Another example, you called me last month and said Pammy I am going to Visu, I was surprised... because therewas no urgency as such for us to hurry... But again you were in the VooPu State... Nothing can be done. You do not sit back and think back for at least 2 minutes about whether the kind of work that you are upto because someone instigated you to do isthat Sumati Setakam poem "Vinatagu nevvaru cheppina vininantane vegapadaka vivarimpatagun... ".

Well as I said earlier all my friends comments have on common buzz word “VOOPU”. This brings to my memory of Jenny having told me once that I have lot of “VOOPU” and I have to streamline in a proper direction to achieve results. I will try to analyze their comments.

# posted by Ravi Shankar @ 11:23 AM